It Was Not A Piece of Cake...

Today I was going to do a wrap up post on my #100daysoftracingmyhands project. I was going to write about all the lessons learned, eureka moments, the “big AHAS”. That was the post I was planning on writing, quite frankly it’s the post I have been going to write the past 4 weeks since completing works.

I still am writing a wrap up of sorts but it doesn’t necessarily have lessons learned or eureka moments. I’m not certain I even have any big ahas. What I do have is more questions and I suppose that’s a good thing. Answers fill us up, close us down. Questions open us, they expand us.

So back to the hands, they began as something I thought would be easy after the 100 days of clay rattles (a completely insane and complicated undertaking in hindsight- just my style really). A drawing a day, just trace my hands and turn it in to a more complete work, piece of cake right... 

Well as I worked and got deeper in to the project, It turned out it wasn't a drawing a day. It turned out it was me showing up to my page and myself each day. It turned out it was me putting my hand down to the sheet each day and tuning in and seeing where I was. It turned out it was me tuning in to my physical body and acknowledging it’s existence. It turned out it was me showing up to my life and my longings and my everything each and everyday. 

It was not a piece of cake, it was in so many ways deep work even when I didn’t realize it and the questions were many.

How could I even share or explain this process in text I wondered?

I didn’t have any answer until I sat down to write this. 

I’ve been working hard to craft a biography, a new about page, an artist statement. This is always incredibly challenging for me because it’s all a work in progress. I am a work in progress. To write anything down, to commit it to a page and publish it for all to see seems so finite. After a couple of hours of working with a very lovely, very patient friend/professional story coach I felt exasperated. It felt productive yet overwhelming. 

I texted my Cosmic Moonshine (That’s what I call her, maybe one day I’ll share why) upon completion and summed it up as, “It was good I think. Certainly left me with a lot of questions, the same ones I always have. Who am I and Why am I here?” 

Her response, sage as always, boiled down to “just trust that you are and that you’re on track”. 

I was suddenly reminded of a piece I wrote about a year ago visiting my excitement associated with tracing my body. 

I now realize in large, that’s what the #100daysoftracingmyhands offered me. 

Pressing my hands in to tactile paper and running a smooth object around their periphery tracing my physical body, a reminder I was, I am, here. 

Showing up to my creative practice everyday,  a daily ritual celebrating that I am on track through the very act of being on track.

So that’s the conclusion I offer on the project today. As mentioned the project brought up a lot of questions and I believe is just the beginning of a larger body of work but today I’m celebrating being here, on track, with you.