Camera snaps and in between spaces...


I'm at DIA, waiting to be up in the air, pulling myself together so I can deboard the plane and head home with clear eyes and optimism to embrace my husband and children. Life as usual...

(camera snaps)

12 days ago...

12 days ago I flew home for spring break. Anxious to see my family, mom, grandparents, sister, friends... Anxious for my husband and children to as well.

12 days ago I arrived and headed to the hospital to visit my 89 year old grandmother, Mam-mam. Anxious to chat with her. Evaluate and ascertain that all was really well, that it was just another no big deal hospitalization.

12 days ago I left feeling secure that all was well...

12 days ago I relaxed and reveled in my return home for spring break with my family.

(camera snaps)

7 days ago...

7 days ago I spent a day with my family, my mom and nieces and nephew. My grandma, my sister. My kids.

7 days ago I watched my kiddos play. My infant niece giggle. My sister stand strong in a different challenging situation.

7 days ago I drove North in a whiteout.

7 days ago it became apparent this situation with my grandmother Mam-mam might be serious.

(camera snaps)

6 days ago...

6 days ago I played with my kiddos in the morning. Held my love's hand.

6 days ago I was dropped at the hospital by my husband and sat with my grandfather listening to stories then quietly for hours.

6 days ago we went to dinner wondering if it was really as serious as it seemed it might be.

6 days ago it became clear it was. Shit!

(camera snaps)

5 days ago...

5 days ago I woke with the sun and rushed to the hospital to relieve my mom.

5 days ago I met the docs and more nurses and sat with my sister and cried. I arranged a Red Cross notification for my uncle in Germany and communicated with family members and wondered.

5 days ago I rode in the ambulance with my grandmother to hospice. I sat with my mom. I rubbed Mam-mam's feet with essential oils and practiced reiki on all of us. I sat with my grandfather in the hospital cafeteria and sipped clam chowder and reminisced.

5 days ago I listened to pastors and chaplains and hymns and I cried. A lot...

(camera snaps)

4 days ago...

4 days ago I woke at 5:40. I showered. I rushed.

4 days ago my mom and I climbed in her car and headed towards hospice.

4 days ago, just minutes out of my mom's drive, my uncle called. Mam-mam had passed on.

4 days ago...

(camera snaps)

And now,

I'm waiting to be in flight on my delayed flight. To peer out my window at the sky below. To soak in the blue expanse.

To find the space in between... home and home, CO and CT. Then and Now. To find breath in these in between spaces.

(camera snaps)

With each camera snap stopping time. finding center. Allowing myself to explore...

The spaces in between...