There are days, most of them honestly, that I go to bed with an unrealistic list of to do's tucked away on my phone, maybe never even looked at that day. Some unnecessary, some undesirable, some just placed there to bolster the list.
There are days, many each week believe it or not, where I feel a slight panic that I will never step close to what exactly it is I was put here to do. That I might never even fully know what that something is.
There are days, many of them to tell the truth, where the rules, boundaries, limits I have always known weigh heavy, cloud my vision, almost seem to block my path completely. I wonder where I I am going, what I am doing, is it all just some crazy dream.
But little by little, piece by piece, these days are getting fewer and farther between.
I'm giving the to-do lists honest assessments and paring them down. I'm checking the items off one by one.
I trust that I'm doing whatever I am meant to be in any given moment. I know that all of the little ones add up to the big picture and if I continue to hone my values and beliefs my purpose will reveal itself.
I find my way, up and over, down or around the obstacles that may be presented. Some take longer than others, and... I keep moving forward step by step.
I am making headway, finding clarity, forging ahead.
This all became clear to me this evening. It's almost midnight, the kids had a snow day, I have lots of unfinished to-do's. I almost went to bed without doing any artwork. Instead I decided to work on a painting, if even just a brushstroke or two. I found myself cutting paper out to layer over the paintings surface.
As I placed the shapes down, the painting started to come together, the woman to take form, piece by piece. I only played about 30 minutes. Tomorrow I'll come back and work on her for a period of time again, and maybe the next.
Instead of rushing to finish, I'm enjoying the process. Knowing that one way or another she will find completion.
Little by little, piece by piece...