I remember the night I painted this. Not whatever happened the day leading up too, just that evening walking to my easel, pulling out a black caran d’ache crayon and drawing a self portrait from memory with the weight of the world bearing down at my back. I am sure it had been a day and I felt heavy, and tired…. I felt a little dramatic about it all as I drew and painted but it offered some release of that weight I was carrying. I even remember laughing as I worked.
All of this week I have felt that same sensation. The weight of the world pushing down upon my back. My son has been sick, my husband traveling, warning lights on in our car, ice storms, school delays, full, FULL schedules. Heavy stuff.
The other day as I sat, shoulders hunched, I thought of this painting. I went down to my flat storage and found it. I felt a little dramatic and once again laughed at the weight I felt I was carrying.
I looked back at the time in life I painted this piece (probably a decade ago) and I smiled. There were some heavy things going on but so many great things too. That allowed me to look at life right now and realize there may be some weighty things as well, but so many great things.
This weekend my 3 year old niece was crying because she found out we had a baby sitter coming to watch her and my son while the rest of the family went to run a race together. She cried inconsolably for about 2 minutes, stopped abruptly and said, “I decided not to be sad anymore. I’m going to be happy the babysitter is coming.” Just like that, she was.
Today, I’ve decided not to carry any of this weight on my shoulders. Just like that, I’m not.
What can you choose to put down today, this week, next?