What I really want to tell you is how grateful I am that you are here. That you take the time to read my words as I share my thoughts. To view my art. To see me.
I want to tell you that but I also want to tell you so much more.
What I really want to tell you is I don’t have it all together all or even some of the time. Yesterday as I grabbed a cup of soup with a girlfriend she asked me how I did it. How I “had it all together”? I laughed as I looked at her and her beautifully groomed hair and lovely clothing and answered that I was wearing a hoodie because I had yet to put a bra on for the day, that truth be told I had been wearing the same leggings morning, noon and night for three days straight and my hat was hiding some braids from the day before because I hadn’t brushed it yet even though it was 1:30 in the afternoon. That my priorities just vary from others and I have come to accept that. I pick and choose and more often than not I choose immediate interaction with my husband and children over blow drying my hair and a few marks in my sketchbook over sweeping the floor.
What I really want to tell you is that motion without progress is exhausting. To move for the sake of moving, to do something without intention or direction, wears a girl out. What’s the gazinta my bestie always asks me and more and more if I don’t have an answer that satisfies me I’m letting it go. We all have a finite amount of energy and we must spend it wisely.
What I really want to tell you is sometimes it’s ok to be quiet as you sit back and take a moment. Maybe to figure things out, maybe to savor that which you have already resolved. Not only is it ok, it is necessary. This is what I have been doing as I work to reconnect to my voice as an artist and as a human. As I struggle to clarify exactly who I am and what I want to do with my precious time here.
What I really want to tell you is that art heals. Viewing art and making art. When you allow it, when you give yourself over to the process, it can shift so much. Viewing a painting or sculpture can bring you in to your environment allowing you to connect more deeply to that which surrounds you. Making an artwork, the tactile experiences of sight and sound and touch and smell activate the body and allow you to really marvel at your experience as an energy in this human shell.
What I really want to tell you is that if you have a yearning, an urge, a question that repeats itself again and again act on it. Try the new activity, walk in to the unknown, get curious about the question and work on answering it.
What I really want to tell you is I love this Hawaiian prayer Ho’Oponopono. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. It’s applicable in so many moments each and every day.
What I really want to tell you is that after you’ve taken a moment to be quiet it’s ok to find you words again and share them. Let them flow. Don’t edit yourself as you begin, just say what needs to be said and if something comes out wrong refer to the above ( I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.) and try again.
What I really want to tell you is that as I type this I’m questioning if I should be. Who am I to “tell” you anything? Wondering if these words even make sense. This is what has happened again and again over the months as I have attempted to return to a regular weekly sharing process. Until today, the doubt has won and I have fallen silent until I sit down a few weeks later and try again and the cycle repeats.
What I really want to tell you is everything really is a cycle. I want to end by saying I’m so grateful you are here. That you take the time to read my words as I share my thoughts. To view my art. To see me.
p.s. What I really want to tell you was inspired by an exercise with Angie Wiseman and her Wild Writing class (her business name is Soulshine Studio) and the picture of me above was taken by my amazing new studio mate Katie Russo and the gallery she shared it with me in was called Soulshine. There are messages all around us if we only pay attention. I’m doing whatever I can to let my soul shine. I’m inviting you to do the same.